I’m a planner. I don’t need check lists that I get to mark things off as I get them done, but I do look into the future. The future- that’s where I plan. And then once I have my plans figured out, I want them to happen on my time (which really just means now).
We both went back to school in the fall of 2012 and were told we’d be done by May 2014. Well, that changed when we were told later classes aren’t offered in a way for that to happen. The downside of small schools. Naturally, that threw a wrench into my plans. And I was frustrated. And so ready to quite, which would’ve wasted thousands of dollars.
We wanted Wes to get a raise so I could stay home when we have kids. That took longer than I wanted, but it did happen, praise the Lord (truly). But I wanted it to happen months and months ago so we could see what we could really afford for a home. I’ve been looking at houses for over a year now. And of course, the homes I loved a year ago aren’t on the market. But I wanted them to last until we could buy a house. Not that we even knew where we were going to be living.
Now we’ve figured out where we are going to live. We get to move back to College Station and be closer to both our families, not just one side. If I’m going to stay in Texas, I’d like to be more in-between our families. And we’re getting to do that. But now I want to move NOW. Not in December. I want to buy a house NOW. I want to find a new church there NOW.
I’m not so great at living in the present.
Our bible study is going through Stuck by Jennie Allen. This most recent week was on Discontentment. And it spoke to me. It’s something I’ve been trying to work on for a long time. Not comparing. Not being jealous. Learning to wait. I want to reach one goal and move immediately to the next one. I have a hard time waiting, resting, and being grateful. Resting in what God has done and provided.
I mean it’s tough.
But God has taught me He has plans for us in the here and now. Being present where we are is so important. If you’re always looking to the next thing, you miss how He’s moving around you. You miss being a part of things now. He’s taught me He can do more in my waiting than I can do in my doing. That His plan is far better. His timing is better. Not that my plans are even wrong, or sinful, or anything, but if they’re not His plans, they’re not as good. I’m learning to rest in His promises and that He’s good to His children.